Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
