Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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