The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
