You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
