I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize