the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
