Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
