I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
