I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
