Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
