I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
