I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
