A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
