Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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