I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
