So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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