I'm laying in your front yard are you home
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
