I'm eating all of the evidence.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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