I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
