the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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