stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
