I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
