I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
