She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
