I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
