Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
