dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
