Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
