I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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