Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Randomize
