i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
