There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
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