come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
