I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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