When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize