The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
