How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
