i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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