Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
