***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Less talking, more tequila
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
