I wish my penis had an off switch
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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