How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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