Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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