U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
