They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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