Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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