yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
