she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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