awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
