she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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