Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
