I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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