I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
