Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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