If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
