I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
