i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
