just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
