Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Pants are for mortals
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
