No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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