i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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