I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
