thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize