Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
