Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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