do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
