so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
