So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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