I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
