Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
