I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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