i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
