I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
