I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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