last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have fence marks all over my body
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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