You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
