Can Purell be used as lube?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How naked do you want me to be?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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