we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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