checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
