Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
