i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
where are my eyebrows?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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